While watching the hilarious 1-800 Flowers commercial in the Mothers’ Day episode of Saturday Night Live (SNL) this weekend, I found myself thinking about what it would be like to be on the other end of things — being the mother. I obviously don’t have children, and I don’t have any plans to have them in the future. To be honest, I don’t care for them. I think it’s mostly the noise — but it also has something to do with how they insist on being the center of attention. I find it impossible to speak on the phone with most of my friends with children because of that horrible, continuous nagging in the background. Like my dogs, the children seem to be fine on their own until Mommy gets on the phone. I hate it.
Also, I hate the concept of “Mothers’ Day”. Just as with Valentine’s Day, Fathers’ Day, Secretaries’ Day, Retarded Siblings’ Day, etc. ad nauseam — they are just fake commercial constructs meant to guilt us into buying specialty gifts that most of us cannot afford. For what it costs to send a dozen red roses in The Bay Area, most US families could buy groceries for a month. It is ridiculous.
Now, before you brand me a cynic and admonish me for being such a thankless son, I should get to the point of my post — my thoughts during the most excellent commercial parody on SNL. Though I do not intend to have children, I did think quite a bit about what it would take to raise a child by myself…a single parent (as was my mother).
My first thoughts were about money, of course. How in the world could I ever afford to do it? How did my mother afford to do it? I realized that in order to do it, I would have to adopt the practice of spending absolutely nothing on myself…ever. No more pay-per-view movies, Kindle books, and certainly no Mercedes SUV. No ring from Tiffany & CO. for my 40th birthday, no purebred pets, no HBO just for Game of Thrones, and certainly no regular housekeeper.
My life would be work, more work, and spending time with the kid(s).
And now that I think about it, that was what life was like for my mom. Work, more work, and then hanging out with me on the weekends. And she was happy to live life that way. She loved me so much that just “having me” and giving me all the things that I ever really wanted, not to mention ever needed, was all it took to make her happy.
Wow. Happy Mothers’ Day, Mom. Maybe there IS something behind this “holiday” after all!