Best Joke Ever to Fall Apart

PHONE RINGS @ HOME OF AARON’S MOTHER (RUTH)…9 AM, APRIL 1, 2015
RUTH: Hello?
JANICE (slightly drunk): Ruth, it’s sister. I got a message that Aaron is sick, and they gave me this hospital number (xxx-xxx-xxxx). Why have you not been answering your phone?
RUTH: I’ve got to go and see if he is OK!
** dials number
AUTOMATED PHONE ATTENDANT: You have reached the San Francisco County Detention Center’s inmate clinic. If you know your party’s extension, please dial it now. Otherwise, press 1 for patient information, press…
** 1#
VOICE 1 (Cora): SF Detention Hospital; this is Cora.
RUTH: I am Aaron Binkley’s mother Ruth. Please tell me what is going on. Is he sick? Is this the jail? What is going on.
VOICE 1 (Cora): Ma’am, let me look. [pause] I am sorry, but I cannot give that information out…it looks like the inmate has already contacted a bondsman or an attorney who is handling everything. I can give you that number.
RUTH: Yes, please!
** dials number
VOICE 2 (Smoke): Golden Gate Bonds, this is Smoke…sup?
RUTH: I am Aaron Binkley’s mother Ruth. Please tell me what is going on. Is he sick? Is this the jail? What is going on.
VOICE 2 (Smoke): Are you Mrs. Massey….Mrs. Ruth Massey?
RUTH: Yes, what is going on.
VOICE 2 (Smoke): I have been trying to call you. We’re trying to bond out Mr. Binkley from SF County, and we need a guarantor on the bond. It’s $10,000.
RUTH: What? Where is he? Is he OK?
VOICE 2 (Smoke): Ma’am, after the bond is settled, you’ll be able to talk to him, I’m sure. You can either deliver a cashier’s check or wire the funds to Golden Gate.
RUTH: What? How much?
VOICE 2 (Smoke): I also have a Ms. Julie Wild at Pacific Coast Bankers’ Bank listed as a contact. Should I try to conference her in to discuss this?
RUTH: Uh, yeah…I mean, I don’t know.
[PAUSE]
JULIE: This is Julie.
VOICE 2 (Smoke): Ms. Wild, I have Aaron Binkley’s mother on the line as well. My name is Smoke, and I’m with Golden Gate Bail Bonds. We’re trying to put together a $10,000 cash bond so that we can get Mr. Binkley released from the San Francisco County Detention Center…the inmate hospital, actually.
JULIE: WTF?
VOICE 2 (Smoke): Please stay calm, Ms. Wild. As I said, we’re trying to put together a $10,000 bond to get Mr. Binkley released today. Can you assist with this?
RUTH: Yes, we can…but can you tell us what this is about?
VOICE 2 (Smoke): Well, it seems that Mr. Binkley was arrested last night under San Francisco’s anti-pandering ordinance.
JULIE: What?
VOICE 2 (Smoke): He’s a pimp, Ms. Wild. His co-defendant is Monique Threets, and they were picked up running girls on the track north of Potrero Hill. They were pimping 12 girls…named Kim Dayers, Tanzima Khatoon, Cookie MacIntosh,…
JULIE: Who the F*ck is this?
RUTH: It’s Aaron’s mom…
JULIE: No, this man…
VOICE 2 (Smoke): Oh, Aaron wanted me to pass this message along….APRIL FOOLS!
[CLICK]
RUTH: I’m going to kill that ****** f******.

Unfortunately, the fake phone systems were delayed being set up, and I wasn’t able to execute my plan. But oh, how wonderful it would have been…

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